I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
