did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
