In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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