My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When are your genitals available?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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