I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
