They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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