Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
