We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
