Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
