The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
