I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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