we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
