your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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