I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
