i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
