i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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