Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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