She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
