Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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