3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My cat gives me a boner
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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