found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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