someone owes me an orgasm
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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