My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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