I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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