you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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