god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
