Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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