I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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