Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
