Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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