I faked an abortion last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
