The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
