I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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