We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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