If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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