His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
