and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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