What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize