I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
