her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
