Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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