Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
