at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
