What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
