Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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