I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
