The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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