All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
