the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
