Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
