My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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