I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
