PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my vag is so smooth its legendary
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
