You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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