I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
