it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
