dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
