i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
