My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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