Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
