Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
