dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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