It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
