$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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