i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
