Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
