3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
