found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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