i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
