Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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