I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
