i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
