I am puke
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
