Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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