at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
