Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
