I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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