apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Bring me that man meat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
