someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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