just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
