Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
