just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she pinky promised me she was 18
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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