got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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