they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
